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Directions: Write an essay based on the following chart. In your writing, you should
1) interpret the chart, and
2) give your comments.
You should write about 150 words.
As is demonstrated in the chart, great changes have taken in the number of students studying abroad in the past 10 years from 2005 to 2015. To put it more exactly, from 2005 to 2015, the number of students studying abroad ha increased from 118 thousand to 523.7 thousand, while from 2005 to 2015, the percentage of studying abroad is fluctuating from 5% to nearly 30%. Basically speaking, what is shown in the chart can be interpreted as follows: In the first place, it is peer pressure that contributes to the change in the chart, since college lives are best characterized by not only academic pressure but also imminent employment pressure, which motivates them to take part-time jobs so that they could be more professionally competent in the future. Furthermore, foreign culture, from my perspective, may also lead to the change shown above. This could be evidently verified by the fact Chinese are attracted by mysterious American culture indicates that to some extent a culture can be accepted, respected, appreciated and shared internationally. Taking all the factors above into account, we can come to a conclusion: the interesting trend will become more and more obvious.
本文作者结合图表从分析图表-推测原因-简单总结三个步骤完成了文章的写作,整体结构基本过关,语言表达略显损色,因此接下来需要从三方面进行加强:
1. 文章内容单薄,不够丰满。图表题最重要的就是抓住图表的亮点,从不同角度进行分析。比如在本文中,纵坐标有两个维度,分别是出国留学人数以及增长率。因此应该分别从留学人数的变化趋势,留学人数的增长率变化等方面进行分析,再最好将两者结合起来综述,因为其反映的最重要的现象就是:出国留学人数的变化趋势。比如在第一段中,可以在最后增加一句:Specifically, the growth rate peaks at 30% in the year 2009 from 179.8 thousand in 2008 to 22.93 thousand in 2009. By contrast, 2006 and 2013 meet the lowest population growth rare, around 5%, followed by 9% in 2007.
2. 文章结构需要调整。从文章要求来说,需要正确理解图表,并发表自己的意见,所以作者第一步应该尽量详尽地分析一下图表的现象,然后在第二段用一句话概括出此现象。比如说:The chart implies that increasing number of students tends to choose overseas study in the last decade with different reasons. 作者花了大量的篇幅谈论了学生出国留学的原因,有些顾此失彼,而且原因分析中,第二段最后一句偏离了主题。
3. 语言语法亟待加强。这个文章中出现一些简单的语法错误。作者应该在语法结构和词汇方面进行加强。比如在第一段中出国留学的学生的表达中学会使用同义替换,避免重复,在第二段第一句是长难句,但是作者由于表述错误,出现了语法错误非常可惜。最后一段,匆匆收尾,可以修改为:Taking all the factors above into account, we can come to a conclusion that although the students who choose to study overseas grow at a unsteady pace in the last decade, it’s predictable that more and more ones would still choose to go abroad for further study.
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